I Work Therefore I Am

Life is filled with work right now. Not so much the nine-to-five kind. In anticipation of being a freelancer, I’ve started taking on a few writing/editing projects now so I can smoothly segue into life as an at-homer. The at-homer part is pretty much a done deal. My boss knows that I’m “strongly leaning” in that direction, mainly because it isn’t economically feasible for me to do anything else. And unfortunately, my department can’t afford to keep me on as a part-timer (which would still be a wash between my salary and day care, but feels justifiable part-time; full-time it just seems dumb). I’m feeling pretty good about my decision, only because it does seem there will be work for me to do. It’s not so much a matter of requiring the income (which, of course, goes without saying), but a matter of personal sanity. As someone who has always identified through her career (or cool slacker lack thereof), I find the notion of becoming a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) frighteningly depressing. I need to be working. I need to be earning an income. I need to feel like I’m doing something. I need intellectual stimulation and projects to complete. I like writing and editing. Listen, I respect SAHMs. Really I do. I just can’t fathom actually joining their ranks. It feels like such… well, defeat, after building a career for fourteen years, investing time in graduate school, and finding a niche doing something at which I'm good. I know that SAHMs work harder than many working-at-an-office moms. I’ve spent a long time on the baby boards reading about how horrible mothers who work are. It seems that many SAHMs are much more secure in their identities than working moms are. This is pure ego on my part, and I’m fully aware of that and that even as a freelancer, I shall in fact be a SAHM. But the idea of going to a party and someone asking me, “So what do you do?” and only being able to respond, “I take care of my son,” just horrifies me. How is that an identity? How is that a life? Of course, I could always respond with my true identity, “I am Jenny, master of the universe and ruler of all things,” but then they’d look at me like I was crazy, and I’d have to smite them, which, really, is a good way to ruin a nice party.