Because I Said So

I, Jenny Brown, princess of the universe and arbiter of all that is right and wrong with the world, do hereby declare that ugly people shall not be permitted in public before 7 a.m.

This morning, I couldn’t handle working out. Just wasn’t in the mood. So instead of my normal shtick, I decided to take the step class. Now, I normally don’t like step classes, but I figured it would force me to move. Pulling out my step, I find a nice empty spot and set up. All is good with the world. Until two minutes into class, when I swear to God, the ugliest woman I’ve seen in a very long time comes into class. Long, long (mid-chest perhaps?) thin light brown hair with the mullet top. Little spikes of hair wisping up above. Glasses so old and uncool... well, they’re still old and uncool. Not a pair of those hip, trendy ‘70s redux glasses, but a pair of glasses actually from the ‘70s! Tinted a smoky gray. Gangly, spindly, hairy legs. And she situates herself right behind me so I have a perfect view of her in the mirror. I know this sounds unkind, but I was so distracted that I was flailing about in class as I watched her. Truly, I’m not this shallow a person. I admire people of all shapes, sizes, and looks. I myself fall into the zaftig category and my looks are distinctly--shall we say--ethnic. But this was not something in the normal realm. Something was off with this woman, something I just couldn’t pinpoint. So I’m stepping and grapevining and moving my arms, when it strikes me. I nearly fall off my step. Looking at this woman, I realize, she’s a man, baby! No joke!

That’s what I get from deviating from my normal routine. It shan't happen again.