The Great Divide

I've always divided the world into two kinds of people. Of course, where I am in life dictates what that divide is. For instance, when I graduated from college, the world was divided into those with jobs and those without. I was in the latter and I was in awe of the former. Later in life, I began to focus more on relationships, and the divide came between those with boyfriends and those without. Sometimes those on the other side of the divide were to be envied. Sometimes they were to be pitied. For instance, for a long time the concept of marriage horrified me. I felt so sorry for my friends trapped in the outdated institution. They seemed to lead such horribly boring existences. (I think it's reasonable to say I changed my opinion on this one.) For a while when I was at Amazon, the world was so obviously divided between those who had pre-IPO stock options and those who didn't (I'm not sure why everyone didn't see the world that way!). Envy doesn't come close to describe how I felt about that one.

Now, the divisions I see are all child-related. When I was pregnant, all I saw were women with rounded bodies and those with slim, baby-free bellies. I suddenly realized that the divide came simply down to those who have children and those who don't. And to a certain degree, I still feel that way. I have happily maintained close friendships with some non-mom friends, but really, all my new friends have kids, because it's simply easier. They understand when I go to bed at a ridiculously early hour. The know instinctively that, no, I haven't seen the latest, most-talked about film. They don't flinch when I whine for the umpteenth time about my temper-tantrumy toddler and my lack of sleep.

Yet, there's more to it than just who has kids and who doesn't. I see that there are actually divides among the moms. There are the new moms, those with adorable newborns in slings who are shellshocked from sore br*easts and round-the-clock feedings. These moms, as freaked out as they are, still have that sheen of idealism. Back when Doodles was still a Doodlebug, I never understood why more experienced moms would slowly move away from me and my newborn at the park. It's because in those days I was prone to making pronouncements like, "I'm going to make all of my child's food and use only organic products" (this one still cracks me up, especially today as I have my mother's helper feeding Doodles Girl Scout Shortbread cookies to keep him appeased). They could tell I was thinking things like, "Why is that mother allowing her poor child to play in that snow without mittens?" (Again, triple Ha! The day I get mittens on Doodles is the day I start sedating. Hey, sedation... hmmm....) (And by the way, I promise I never said anything like that out loud!)

Then moms get to the next stage: experienced moms. When realism sets in. When you know that your child is going to eat Ritz Cheese Bits three meals a day and that, no, you hadn't intended to cosleep but hey, there's your toddler in your bed most nights anyway. And yeah, your kid is yanking a toy away from another kid, but what are you going to do? I see those moms of newborns eyeing me with disdain as Doodles crams another handful of Goldfish into his mouth, getting ready for a temper tantrum about, oh, really nothing. And I just laugh. Because soon they will be standing where I am. So the world is divided between the new idealistic moms and us tainted cynical moms.

But then, I've noticed there's another divide. There's a group of moms out there who are so beyond where I am that I think of them as the big-time moms. That divide is between those of us with one child and those out there who have children. I see those moms with more than one kid out there, and I'm kind of in awe of them. I've seen a woman, with her newborn nursing in the sling, bound across the room to stop her child from clobbering another with a toy car, with her br*east never slipping from her baby's mouth. I've seen them expertly maneuvering that double stroller in doorways so narrow, Doodles and I barely fit side by side. They sagely watch their children wreaking havoc with the confidence that no real harm is going to be done while us singleton moms panic at every bump. This is the big divide as I see it right now.

Are you still with me? Do you see what I'm saying? Let me put this another way: Life has suddenly become somewhat more manageable. Sure, Doodles has hit 18-months with a vengeance, but ever since I learned to just let him scream and work his tantrums out for himself, it hasn't been too bad. And he's way more fun than ever. He's walking and talking and trying to make us laugh. And for me, I've gotten more freelance work than I can actually handle. My running is at its peak. I'm actually making time for my creative writing. Adam and I can finally see our marriage resurfacing from the explosion of parenthood.

So we've done the only logical thing we can do. We've decide to f*ck our perfect lives up big time. We're crossing that last divide: Brown Brown the Sequel, a.k.a. The Deuce, is due September 3, 2005. God help us.