Vacation Stats

How much sleep the man who only needs five hours of sleep a night actually gets:
7 p.m., in children's playroom, with kids screaming and movie blaring: 1 hour
8:30 p.m., in bedroom, fully clothed, laying on bed: 2.25 hours
10:50 p.m., after brushing teeth and, still fully clothed, getting under the covers: 8 hours
2 p.m.: 1.45 hour nap

Reason I have twenty photos of Pie to every one photo of Doodles: Doodles is a whirling dervish. Getting him to stand still for a photo is near impossible and requires serious bribes of sweets and/or playtime.

Signs that weaning is not in my future: Pie's new trick is she pops off the br*east, smacks her lips, and cheers, with a smirk, "Yum, yum!"

Sign I'm doing something right: After an accident, Doodles asks Adams, "Do only daddies always clean up poopie messes?"

How many times Doodles can ask between 1 p.m. and 3 p.m. if the afternoon cookies are out: 27

Conversations you really don't want your child having with other children:
Doodles: Do you know who Doodles Brown is?
New friend: No.
Doodles: He's dead.

A sign that you really need to be carrying tissues around with you: Doodles looks at Pie and then asks me, "If you eat green food, does it make your snot green?"

Conversations you really don't want to be having with your child:
Me: Well, you see, a long, long, long time ago, there were monkeys. And those monkeys had children and they were a little less monkey like and a little more human like. And they had kids and their kids were even more human like. Until eventually, over a long, long period of time, those monkeys became humans. And that's called evolution.
Doodles: So monkeys can turn into people?
Me: Well, not exactly. You see...

Proof that Doodles is not really my child: "Marshmallows are yucky."

Proof that Pie really is my child: "More marshmallows! More marshmallows!"

Further proof that Pie is really my child: "Horse! Horse! Horse!" [Gets within a foot of the horse] "Ahhh! No like it! No like it! No like it!" [Cow moos, Pie jumps and screams] "No like cow! No like cow!"

What Doodles did at "Vermont Camp": nature walks, obstacle courses, painting, jumping in puddles, climbing on the climber, digging in the sandbox, chasing butterflies with nets, hunting for bugs, visiting the barn, getting read to.

What Doodles said was his favorite part of Vermont Camp: having snack.