Homeward? Bound
So I'm supposed to be packing, but I'm not. Instead, I'll wake up not-quite-as-early-as-I-meant-to tomorrow and in a panic, toss things in a bag. Then, I'll wonder why it is I didn't bother to pack [basic item that I was supposed to pack such as underwear or socks or the dress for the wedding that is the sole reason for this trip].
So, I'm off tomorrow for a wedding back west. And before anyone gets up in arms about the fact that I'm not calling anyone in Seattle, please know that I will be in Seattle for less than 18 hours. The wedding is actually in Poulsbo, and because of my impending job, I will not be spending extra time in the city. I will be seeing no one. So please, no one be offended.
Adam asked me, "Am I going to have to fly back there to drag you back here?" Funny thing, I hadn't even thought of how I'd feel once I was back on the West Coast until he mentioned it. I'm excited about this wedding, and seeing the folks who will be there. The wedding, I'm sure, will be beautiful, and I'm thrilled for Miss Mary, because she finally found a guy who's smart enough for her (not an easy feat, to be sure). All of the KAG will be there (no, that's not a sorority--I was GDI and proud of it in college [at NYU, the Greek system was for the total losers who couldn't make it in the city]--and no, I will not tell you what that is, but understand that it's some of my closest galpals in the world [the rest of that small circle being made up by Jenn, the Claire Bear, and the Tweedle Twirp, although I'm not sure if she counts as a galpal since she's stuck with me in that sororal way]), so the weekend will be rockin'. But how will I feel? Interesting question. Massachusetts definitely does not feel like home. But I don't think Seattle will either, anymore. Without a home base, it's just another city I once lived in. Of course, we'll see how I feel once I'm actually there. That could change anything. Maybe I will decide to stay.
On Coupledom
So, in Eugene's weblog (Sept. 17), he bitches that all his friends in couples have become boring. To quote him, he says, what has become alarmingly evident "is how boring your friends become when they enter a relationship. Infinitely interesting to each other, mind-numbingly dull to the rest of us." He goes on to say he's given "up on asking anyone in a relationship to do anything other than bring their mate out to other events with other couples." (Please read his whole entry so I can't be accused of pulling anything out of context here.)
This is definitely something I used to be hyper-aware of when I was a single person. That oh-I-should-be-happy-for-them-when-really-I-want-to-scream-because-now-that's-another-friendship-down-the-crapper feeling. I had certain friends that just, poof, vanished before my eyes when they found a boy/girlfriend. And I always made an effort not to be one of those people when I was in a relationship. But, you know, I was (and I speak in the past tense, because now, it is simply expected of me. I am married ergo I am lame). I'd go out with friends, but want to get home early to meet up with Adam (and I'm being kind here, because for 14 years it was other boys as well, but that's another thing--once you're married those get erased to the outside world. Oh, I'll remember the others, of course, but for all you out there, Adam is and has been the one and only, right?). Or sometimes I'd leave early, because the idea of sitting out in a bar drinking and looking for boys was no longer a big deal. Not that that's all we did. But somehow, all the other activities I liked to do (book group, writing groups, movies, readings, whatever) ended early enough that boyfriend or not was never an issue. The thing is when I disappeared, it wasn't always because of a boy. Yet, all my other reasons were acceptable. For a full six or seven months, I blew off friends regularly because I was training for the Seattle-to-Portland bike ride. It was never, "Oh, Jenny's so lame for going to bed at 9 p.m." It was, "Jenny needs to go, because she gets up at 5 a.m. to train" and it was respected. I've always been a party pooper, because I'm decidedly a morning person. But the minute I had a boyfriend, my same exact schedule made me weak, another woman lost to the attentions of a man.
I'm not sure what my point is except that Eugene definitely got me thinking. I've always associated myself with the Singleton point of view. But I'm married. I wonder if it takes some time for that mindset to sink in. Married, married, married. It feels totally different, and yet completely the same. Despite Eugene's pessimistic point of view, I very much have my own life. Going away by myself for the weekend. Next week, I have my writing group, my book group, and then the week after, two nights out (sans Adam) with my new friends. But it's not the same. Because, yes, I will be home by 11. And for no better reason than I have someone to come home to. And I have to say, that's pretty nice. You might want to give it a try yourself, Eugene.
So, I'm off tomorrow for a wedding back west. And before anyone gets up in arms about the fact that I'm not calling anyone in Seattle, please know that I will be in Seattle for less than 18 hours. The wedding is actually in Poulsbo, and because of my impending job, I will not be spending extra time in the city. I will be seeing no one. So please, no one be offended.
Adam asked me, "Am I going to have to fly back there to drag you back here?" Funny thing, I hadn't even thought of how I'd feel once I was back on the West Coast until he mentioned it. I'm excited about this wedding, and seeing the folks who will be there. The wedding, I'm sure, will be beautiful, and I'm thrilled for Miss Mary, because she finally found a guy who's smart enough for her (not an easy feat, to be sure). All of the KAG will be there (no, that's not a sorority--I was GDI and proud of it in college [at NYU, the Greek system was for the total losers who couldn't make it in the city]--and no, I will not tell you what that is, but understand that it's some of my closest galpals in the world [the rest of that small circle being made up by Jenn, the Claire Bear, and the Tweedle Twirp, although I'm not sure if she counts as a galpal since she's stuck with me in that sororal way]), so the weekend will be rockin'. But how will I feel? Interesting question. Massachusetts definitely does not feel like home. But I don't think Seattle will either, anymore. Without a home base, it's just another city I once lived in. Of course, we'll see how I feel once I'm actually there. That could change anything. Maybe I will decide to stay.
On Coupledom
So, in Eugene's weblog (Sept. 17), he bitches that all his friends in couples have become boring. To quote him, he says, what has become alarmingly evident "is how boring your friends become when they enter a relationship. Infinitely interesting to each other, mind-numbingly dull to the rest of us." He goes on to say he's given "up on asking anyone in a relationship to do anything other than bring their mate out to other events with other couples." (Please read his whole entry so I can't be accused of pulling anything out of context here.)
This is definitely something I used to be hyper-aware of when I was a single person. That oh-I-should-be-happy-for-them-when-really-I-want-to-scream-because-now-that's-another-friendship-down-the-crapper feeling. I had certain friends that just, poof, vanished before my eyes when they found a boy/girlfriend. And I always made an effort not to be one of those people when I was in a relationship. But, you know, I was (and I speak in the past tense, because now, it is simply expected of me. I am married ergo I am lame). I'd go out with friends, but want to get home early to meet up with Adam (and I'm being kind here, because for 14 years it was other boys as well, but that's another thing--once you're married those get erased to the outside world. Oh, I'll remember the others, of course, but for all you out there, Adam is and has been the one and only, right?). Or sometimes I'd leave early, because the idea of sitting out in a bar drinking and looking for boys was no longer a big deal. Not that that's all we did. But somehow, all the other activities I liked to do (book group, writing groups, movies, readings, whatever) ended early enough that boyfriend or not was never an issue. The thing is when I disappeared, it wasn't always because of a boy. Yet, all my other reasons were acceptable. For a full six or seven months, I blew off friends regularly because I was training for the Seattle-to-Portland bike ride. It was never, "Oh, Jenny's so lame for going to bed at 9 p.m." It was, "Jenny needs to go, because she gets up at 5 a.m. to train" and it was respected. I've always been a party pooper, because I'm decidedly a morning person. But the minute I had a boyfriend, my same exact schedule made me weak, another woman lost to the attentions of a man.
I'm not sure what my point is except that Eugene definitely got me thinking. I've always associated myself with the Singleton point of view. But I'm married. I wonder if it takes some time for that mindset to sink in. Married, married, married. It feels totally different, and yet completely the same. Despite Eugene's pessimistic point of view, I very much have my own life. Going away by myself for the weekend. Next week, I have my writing group, my book group, and then the week after, two nights out (sans Adam) with my new friends. But it's not the same. Because, yes, I will be home by 11. And for no better reason than I have someone to come home to. And I have to say, that's pretty nice. You might want to give it a try yourself, Eugene.
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