The Guilt of Mothering
Everyone tells you that having two kids is going to be difficult, that two kids is five times (or seven or twelve or fill in the number you've heard) as hard as one. But everyone frames in terms of chasing two around, monitoring two, keeping two from killing each other. What people don't tell you is that the running around is tough, but the thing that really kills you with two is the guilt. Oh, the guilt is bad!!
When I had just Doodles, the boy never cried. Oh, don't get me wrong, he had his fussy periods and his upset periods, but the minute his little face started to screw up, I was there! I'm a firm believer in the "you can't spoil a kid under one" theory, and I held my little Doodlebug whenever he was the teeniest bit upset. There were days Adam would come home from school and I'd be tired and hungry and grumpy and have to pee because I hadn't moved all day because Doodles was happiest sleeping across me.
And with Sweetie Pie? Sweetie Pie has lungs. Now, she isn't any fussier or more difficult than Doodles--if anything, I'd say she's an easier baby, which is a remarkable statement, given how easy Doodles was/is. But the thing is, I'm physically unable to run to her the second she gets upset. Because there's Doodles to take care of. On Tuesday mornings, for instance, we need to get Doodles to Music Together class. Which means I put Sweetie Pie into the car seat while I put on Doodles's socks and shoes and get his snack ready. Only Sweetie Pie doesn't like the car seat. And she cries. But instead of picking up the car seat and swinging it, I have to let her cry.
And it cuts both ways. Because sometimes, Doodles is having a bad day and he needs me, only I have a Sweetie Pie attached to me b*reast. And I can't run to him with the speed I need.
And then there are those hellacious moments when both kids are crying at the same time and I have a Bambi moment (frozen in the headlights) because I don't know which child to attend to first.
The guilt will get to you. By the end of the day, you can't help but feel like you've failed both your children, even though you've done the best you can and even though they're both just fine and you know that in the long run they'll really appreciate having a sibling.
Two is hard. I imagine three is near impossible. But I'll tell you, two isn't so hard that it's keeping me from thinking about a third. (Frequently heard around our house: Me: "Well, with the next baby--" Adam: "NO!") After all, Sweetie Pie is already two months old. Two months old! Where did the past two months go? Definitely time to start thinking about a third. (Yes, Adam, I heard you: "No, no, no, no, NO!")
When I had just Doodles, the boy never cried. Oh, don't get me wrong, he had his fussy periods and his upset periods, but the minute his little face started to screw up, I was there! I'm a firm believer in the "you can't spoil a kid under one" theory, and I held my little Doodlebug whenever he was the teeniest bit upset. There were days Adam would come home from school and I'd be tired and hungry and grumpy and have to pee because I hadn't moved all day because Doodles was happiest sleeping across me.
And with Sweetie Pie? Sweetie Pie has lungs. Now, she isn't any fussier or more difficult than Doodles--if anything, I'd say she's an easier baby, which is a remarkable statement, given how easy Doodles was/is. But the thing is, I'm physically unable to run to her the second she gets upset. Because there's Doodles to take care of. On Tuesday mornings, for instance, we need to get Doodles to Music Together class. Which means I put Sweetie Pie into the car seat while I put on Doodles's socks and shoes and get his snack ready. Only Sweetie Pie doesn't like the car seat. And she cries. But instead of picking up the car seat and swinging it, I have to let her cry.
And it cuts both ways. Because sometimes, Doodles is having a bad day and he needs me, only I have a Sweetie Pie attached to me b*reast. And I can't run to him with the speed I need.
And then there are those hellacious moments when both kids are crying at the same time and I have a Bambi moment (frozen in the headlights) because I don't know which child to attend to first.
The guilt will get to you. By the end of the day, you can't help but feel like you've failed both your children, even though you've done the best you can and even though they're both just fine and you know that in the long run they'll really appreciate having a sibling.
Two is hard. I imagine three is near impossible. But I'll tell you, two isn't so hard that it's keeping me from thinking about a third. (Frequently heard around our house: Me: "Well, with the next baby--" Adam: "NO!") After all, Sweetie Pie is already two months old. Two months old! Where did the past two months go? Definitely time to start thinking about a third. (Yes, Adam, I heard you: "No, no, no, no, NO!")
2 Comments:
You are a goddess to be so honest about having two and to even be planning the third.
I have four, I've only had four for two weeks (well as of tommorow it'll be two weeks) but it has been an easier transition this time than when we added #2 and #3. Maybe that is because the oldest is, well, older but I'm sure part of it is that they have one another to play with & they can help each other with things so it doesn't always have to be me. (My boys are almost 7, 5, almost 3. My little girl is obviously 2 weeks old). So go ahead and have a #3 and #4, I've heard once you have four adding anymore isn't a big deal at all. I don't plan on finding out, this is perfect for us! :)
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