One-Sided Conversations I Have with Sweetie Pie (Unless You Count "Eeeeee!" as a Response)

• Sweetie, the floor is doing just fine. No need to feed it your dinner.
  
• How the f*uck did you get all the way up there?
  
• Yes, I know you're becoming a very good stander. Just no need to practice standing halfway up the slide!
  
• Sweetie Pie, your brother is not a tackling dummy. Get off him now, please.
  
• Sweetie Pie. Sweetie Pie? Sweetie Pie! Where the hell is Sweetie Pie! I walked out of the room for two seconds! Sweetie Piiiiiieeee! For God's sake, Sweetie Pie, how did you get in there?
  
• Bath water is not for drinking.
  
• Drinking water is not for spitting.
  
• Why do your cheeks look like that? What are you up to? Ohmygod, how many rocks did you stuff in there?!?