Chatty Cathy
Was there really a time when I wished my son would start to talk? Is that really the case? Because, God help me, I take it all back. That kid won't SHUT UP! He is making me crazy with the constant stream of chatter that oozes out of him at all times:
Excuse me, Mommy. Excuse me, Mommy. Excuse me. Excuse me. EXCUSE ME, MOMMY!Is a skyscraper big? When I saw the Wheedle on the needle I was in new york on a skyscraper. Is that a menorah? Does that song have a lot of drums? Mommy, I'm talking to you! Does that song have a lot of drums? Who sings that song? Why? What's that inside the popcorn? Does popcorn come from yellow corn? Why? Is that a Santa? Does Santa eat our French fries? Santa is just pretend, right? We don't believe in Santa, right? But some of my friends do. Does E. believe in Santa? Does J. believe in Santa? Does N. believe in Santa? Does C. believe in Santa? Is C. a boy? Why? Is a p*enis the same as a v*agina? Does E. have a p*enis? Does J. have a p*enis? Does N. have a p*enis? Can I wear soft pants? I don't want to wear jeans anymore. If I don't wear soft pants, I won't be soft! Is that Daddy's remote? Is he sharing? When I grow-up, I'm going to be able to use the remote....
There's more. But at a certain point I just start to tune it out.
And then, this afternoon, as I was giving Sweetie her twelfth feed of the day, he asked, "Can I watch?"
Me: Um, sure.
Doodles: What is she doing when she breastfeeds?
Me: Uh, breastfeeds.
Doodles: Where does she breastfeed?
Me: What do you mean?
Doodles: What is it called? What are your breastfeeds called?
Me: Br*easts.
Doodles: Do I have br*easts?
Me: Well, sort of. But they're different.
Doodles: When I grow up I'm going to breastfeed Sweetie.
Me: God help me if when you grow up, Sweetie is still breastfeeding. Besides, baby, I'm sorry but only mommies can breastfeed.
Doodles: When I grow up and I'm a mommy I'm going to breastfeed.
Me: When you grow up, you can be anything you want to be, except for a mommy. When you grow up, you can be a daddy! But I'm afraid daddies can't breastfeed. That's a mommy job.
Doodles: No, when I grow-up and I'm a daddy, I'm going to breastfeed.
La Leche, take note. I think you have a new poster child.
Excuse me, Mommy. Excuse me, Mommy. Excuse me. Excuse me. EXCUSE ME, MOMMY!Is a skyscraper big? When I saw the Wheedle on the needle I was in new york on a skyscraper. Is that a menorah? Does that song have a lot of drums? Mommy, I'm talking to you! Does that song have a lot of drums? Who sings that song? Why? What's that inside the popcorn? Does popcorn come from yellow corn? Why? Is that a Santa? Does Santa eat our French fries? Santa is just pretend, right? We don't believe in Santa, right? But some of my friends do. Does E. believe in Santa? Does J. believe in Santa? Does N. believe in Santa? Does C. believe in Santa? Is C. a boy? Why? Is a p*enis the same as a v*agina? Does E. have a p*enis? Does J. have a p*enis? Does N. have a p*enis? Can I wear soft pants? I don't want to wear jeans anymore. If I don't wear soft pants, I won't be soft! Is that Daddy's remote? Is he sharing? When I grow-up, I'm going to be able to use the remote....
There's more. But at a certain point I just start to tune it out.
And then, this afternoon, as I was giving Sweetie her twelfth feed of the day, he asked, "Can I watch?"
Me: Um, sure.
Doodles: What is she doing when she breastfeeds?
Me: Uh, breastfeeds.
Doodles: Where does she breastfeed?
Me: What do you mean?
Doodles: What is it called? What are your breastfeeds called?
Me: Br*easts.
Doodles: Do I have br*easts?
Me: Well, sort of. But they're different.
Doodles: When I grow up I'm going to breastfeed Sweetie.
Me: God help me if when you grow up, Sweetie is still breastfeeding. Besides, baby, I'm sorry but only mommies can breastfeed.
Doodles: When I grow up and I'm a mommy I'm going to breastfeed.
Me: When you grow up, you can be anything you want to be, except for a mommy. When you grow up, you can be a daddy! But I'm afraid daddies can't breastfeed. That's a mommy job.
Doodles: No, when I grow-up and I'm a daddy, I'm going to breastfeed.
La Leche, take note. I think you have a new poster child.
2 Comments:
Of course, technically speaking, he can breastfeed as a father, too. But I think the strange looks would probably put him off.
Touche! Of course considering the strange looks he'll be getting as a thirtysometing-year-old man still in diapers, I'm thinking he won't so mind the strange looks as a breastfeeding dad!
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