Facebook Statuses I Didn't Post
Jenny...
...is apparently living with Princess Pee Pee and King La La in the Land of Underwear
...doesn't understand why--even after she (okay Adam) repeatedly washes her running clothes--her workout clothes drawer STINKS!
...isn't answering another question (Mommy, why are the lights on? Because it's dark. Oh. But why are those lights on! Because it's dark there, too. But, Mommy, what about-- It's dark everywhere, damn it!)
...is annoyed at Trader Joe's (if you buy a kit that says "Hyacinth Indoor Blooming Kit, Easy to Grow in 3 Simple Steps!" don't expect to go home and plant them with your kids. Because the first "simple step" is "Remove bulb from kit and chill in a dry, dark, 40-45 degree F location for 8 weeks." Note, we are skipping that step and reducing the chill time to one hour, which is how long you're supposed to let the compressed planting mix soak in water. All of which means in about ten weeks, I'll have to buy some stupid plants, replace the bulbs, and tell the kids they're magic flowers that develop fully in one single night.)
...has got to stop thinking that Pie is ready to give up the nighttime Pull-Ups, because that's just invitation to a nighttime soaking.
...is about to harm an inanimate object. {Please refer to the previous status update. Sheets soaked with pee. Jenny puts sheets in a laundry basket, carts them down the two flights of stairs, puts them in the washer, inserts $1.25, washes sheets and mattress cover. In 20 minutes she returns, moves sheets and mattress cover to dryer, inserts $1.25... and nothing. Jenny brings sheets back upstairs and drapes them all over apartment to try and get them to dry decently enough to return to bed by nightfall.)
...isn't answering another question (Please don't touch the sheets when we get home. The dryer broke, so the sheets are drying in the apartment on the chairs. But why are the sheets drying? Because I had to wash them and then the dryer broke. Will the dryer be fixed? Yes, I called the management company; they said they'd fix it. Why did it break? I don't know. But you understand what you're not supposed to do? What? Please don't touch the sheets. Why? Because they're clean and I don't want you getting them dirty and they're hanging up in the apartment. Why? Because the dryer broke? So you won't touch them, right? Touch what? The sheets! Why? Because they're clean and you're not. Why are they clean?...)
...doesn't have a snack for you.
...thinks seven meals a day should be plenty for anyone.
...really, truly, doesn't have a snack for you. Please. Go ahead. Check my purse.
...is going to make you a snack from the year-old crumbs that are trapped beneath your car seat.
...is done. So very, very, very done.
...is apparently living with Princess Pee Pee and King La La in the Land of Underwear
...doesn't understand why--even after she (okay Adam) repeatedly washes her running clothes--her workout clothes drawer STINKS!
...isn't answering another question (Mommy, why are the lights on? Because it's dark. Oh. But why are those lights on! Because it's dark there, too. But, Mommy, what about-- It's dark everywhere, damn it!)
...is annoyed at Trader Joe's (if you buy a kit that says "Hyacinth Indoor Blooming Kit, Easy to Grow in 3 Simple Steps!" don't expect to go home and plant them with your kids. Because the first "simple step" is "Remove bulb from kit and chill in a dry, dark, 40-45 degree F location for 8 weeks." Note, we are skipping that step and reducing the chill time to one hour, which is how long you're supposed to let the compressed planting mix soak in water. All of which means in about ten weeks, I'll have to buy some stupid plants, replace the bulbs, and tell the kids they're magic flowers that develop fully in one single night.)
...has got to stop thinking that Pie is ready to give up the nighttime Pull-Ups, because that's just invitation to a nighttime soaking.
...is about to harm an inanimate object. {Please refer to the previous status update. Sheets soaked with pee. Jenny puts sheets in a laundry basket, carts them down the two flights of stairs, puts them in the washer, inserts $1.25, washes sheets and mattress cover. In 20 minutes she returns, moves sheets and mattress cover to dryer, inserts $1.25... and nothing. Jenny brings sheets back upstairs and drapes them all over apartment to try and get them to dry decently enough to return to bed by nightfall.)
...isn't answering another question (Please don't touch the sheets when we get home. The dryer broke, so the sheets are drying in the apartment on the chairs. But why are the sheets drying? Because I had to wash them and then the dryer broke. Will the dryer be fixed? Yes, I called the management company; they said they'd fix it. Why did it break? I don't know. But you understand what you're not supposed to do? What? Please don't touch the sheets. Why? Because they're clean and I don't want you getting them dirty and they're hanging up in the apartment. Why? Because the dryer broke? So you won't touch them, right? Touch what? The sheets! Why? Because they're clean and you're not. Why are they clean?...)
...doesn't have a snack for you.
...thinks seven meals a day should be plenty for anyone.
...really, truly, doesn't have a snack for you. Please. Go ahead. Check my purse.
...is going to make you a snack from the year-old crumbs that are trapped beneath your car seat.
...is done. So very, very, very done.
Labels: me
2 Comments:
Jenny HAS to see the documentary "Spirit of the marathon" and than has to see it again...
:) Ana-Maria
And Ana-Maria needs to learn to spell..I meant "then" not "than".
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