From the Mouths of Babes

From the "takes after his father" department:
Doodles had a playdate over, a girl from his kindergarten class, J. They were playing nicely, but at one point J. bumped her head and came to find me. Nothing serious, but I gave her an ice pack and yelled down to the playroom for Doodles.
Doodles: What?
Me: Could you please come up here?
Doodles comes upstairs.
Doodles: Whadda you want?
Me: Doodles, J. hit her head and is going to sit here for a minute with the ice pack.
Doodles throws up his arms and says: So, what did you call me up here for?

From the "in the vault" department [with a spoiler for Kofefim parents]:
At pick up from school, Pie and her teacher were whispering, and then the teacher said to Pie: Now, don't forget! It's a secret!
Pie: I know! Mommy, I can't tell you! It's a surprise!
Me: Okay.
Almost exactly one hour later.
Pie: Mommy, I made you a pin!
Me: What?
Pie: A pin! I made you a pin! You know, for mother's day!
Me: Didn't your teacher tell you to keep it a secret?
Pie: Yeah! So make sure you don't tell her that I gave it away!

From the "teen angst" department:
Doodles was clearly overtired and just having a rough time. He came downstairs with both his backpacks and tears in his eyes.
Me: Whatcha doing?
Doodles: I'm leaving.
Me: You're running away?
Doodles: Yes?
Me: But why?
Doodles, starting to sob: I don't want to move out. I have to move out. I can't live with all these rules!
Me: That makes me sad. What rules don't you like?
Doodles, sobbing heavily: All the rules! Like you make me make me eat energy food. J. gets a cookie in her lunch every day for snack. And I never get one! I want to eat junk food every day, too!