The Devil Wears Diapers

That Pie and her temper tantrums. Oh are they a force to be reckoned with! In the morning, I lie in bed, pretending I can't hear the screams coming from downstairs. Doodles is finally starting to sleep in. You know, till about 6:20 a.m., which is heaven. Pie on the other hand is up daily between 5:22 and 5:29 a.m. I hide under the covers until she and Adam are safely downstairs. But the sounds of Pie still manage to sneak in:
Pie: Cheeeeerioooos!
Adam: Okay, here are some Cheerios.
Pie, arm shooting out, sending bowl skittering across table: NOOOO! Not Cheeerrioooos!
Adam takes away the bowl.
Adam: Okay, no Cheerios.
Pie: CHEEEERIOOOOOSSSS!!!
It goes on for much of the morning, with slight variations. If it's a school day, we get the wagging finger and the tearful "No school! No school!" If it's not a school day for Pie, I get gleeful screaming and shrieking as she hides from me as I try to get her ready to take her brother to school. There are temper tantrums over coloring. Temper tantrums over food. Temper tantrums over shoes. Temper tantrums over getting into her car seat. Temper tantrums over toys. Temper tantrums over books. Do I need to go on?

I, however, am beginning to learn a few tricks. For instance, the Pie has delightfully curly locks. Masses of curls pouring around her face. However, she will not allow a hair clip near said locks. The curls fall into her eyes and she can't see. As much as I hate to do it, I've had her hair cut twice, because it becomes so unruly. But I don't want to keep cutting it. This, though, is okay, because I've figured out the secret of getting a hair clip in her hair.
Me: Do you want a hair clip?
Pie: Yes!
Me: Which one?
Pie: Um, butterfly. No! Cow and chicken!
Me: Okay, here they are. [Go to put them in hair]
Pie: Noooooo! Want cow and chicken! Want cow and chicken.
Me: Cow and chicken are not a toy. They're hair clips. As in for your hair.
Pie: No! Have them!
Me: In hair!
Pie: No hair! No hair!
Me: Then no clips!
Pie: No clips!
Me: That's fine. [Pause] Say, since you don't want to wear the clips in your hair, why don't I give them to C.? He loves wearing these clips!
Pie: No! No! Pie wear hair clips! Hair clips in my hair!
And the clips go happily in the hair.

The nice thing about this is that Doodles is picking up the temper tantrum vibe and we've been getting a few of the surprising ones from him. The ones that go from 0 to 60 in three seconds flat. The where-the-hell-did-that-come-from tantrum. The ones that start something like, "Mom, can you help me open my yogurt?" to which I reply, "Sure, just give me a second to get off the toilet," which causes him to drop down onto the floor, bang his arms and legs on the floor, and wail, "I wanted a yogurt now!" It's oh so charming.

Of course sometimes, he's a little more straightforward.
Me: So what did you have for snack over at N.'s house on your playdate?
Doodles: A freeze pop!
Me: That must have been nice.
Doodles: I looooooove freeze pops!
Me: I'm sure you do!
Doodles: You should buy freeze pops!
Me: Sure! Just as soon as you start eating energy foods, I'll start buying freeze pops.
Doodles, with exaggeration, rolls his eyes and says: Oh come on, Mom! Just buy the freeze pops!
Four, going on fourteen!