From the Mouths of Babes, the Ongoing Saga

Me: Doodles! I told you! Stop throwing balls in the house!
Doodles: But Pie is doing it.
Me: Pie shouldn't be doing it either. But you're older and you know better.
Doodles: But Pie is telling me to throw balls. And I'm listening to her. Because she's my sister. And I love her.

At the YMCA, while changing out of swimming suits.
Pie, loudly, pointing finger out at another girl: Look, Mommy! She has a v*agina just like me!

The gate is closed on the kids' bedroom door. They're both exhausted and refuse to go to sleep. Pie cries. Doodles resorts to Rickey Henderson methods:
Doodles: Dad! It's Doodles calling! He needs some more water. Okay?

I'm making a hummus on pita sandwich for Doodles.
Pie: What are you spreading on his p*enis?

Pie: Mommy, cuddle me!
Me: Okay, sweetie!
Lots of snuggling. I even sneak in a few smooches.
Me: Ooh, who's my favorite Pie Pie? Who's my favorite little girl?
Pie: Me!
Me: And who's your favorite mommy?
Pie [with great big, soft, baby eyes looking up at me]: Daphne! Daphne is my favorite mommy! [Daphne is her friend A's mother]

Just this afternoon, we saw the mom and daughter playing outside, so we went over to play. I'm talking to the mom. Pie runs over from the swing set, with a big grin on her face.
Pie: Mommy?
Me: Yes, Pie?
Pie: Mommy, go home! Go home now!

It's good to be loved.